Tefillin or not Tefillin?

Thoughts on Jewish ritual objects for women (well, at least for me)

Throughout my years as an undergraduate student at U of T completing a Specialist in Ancient Near Eastern Studies, specifically on Ancient Israel (late 1990s and early 2000s), a new wave of Jewish feminism was burgeoning and creating courageous (and seeming radical) approaches to outward female voices and inclusion in Jewish spaces, liturgy, and practices that were traditionally set aside only for men.

I remember the liturgical music of Debbie Friedman and Marcia Falk’s masterpiece revisioning Jewish prayers “The Book of Blessings” that were so popular in the late ‘90s and early aughts. At that time, their writings were deemed radically feminist — and even blasphemous by some traditionalists because these women wrote liturgy through a feminist lens, using gender inclusive language including when referencing Divinity and HaShem. During that time, my professor of Jewish Feminism was instrumental in encouraging us to dive into our own connection to Deity in a personal way, including gender inclusive language and liturgy. That professor was a wonderful guide and example of a strong Jewish woman who did not accept the status quo of women in traditional Judaism. She wore a kippah everyday and I was in awe of her. At that time, I was still a practicing Mormon, and we were not even able to wear pants to Church services (that finally changed around 2014). I saw my professor as a beacon of hope and courage to outwardly show the world her commitment to God, her relationship with God and her connection to Jewish life.

As I became more entrenched in Judaism back then, I quickly saw that women wearing kippot (or donning tallit or laying tefillin, etc.) was certainly uncommon, though not unheard of.

Since returning to my soul’s call to be Jewish over the last 3 years, I knew that I wanted to take on the mitzvah to cover my head, wear tallit and lay tefillin, though I am not necessarily required to or in some circles, I would be forbidden to. I started wearing kippah and tallit in 2023 for prayers. I even got the most beautiful gold and turquoise metal kippah in Jerusalem last year.

Since my formal conversion in April, I am more comfortable wearing ritual objects in public (since I am now officially Jewish and not a “poser” lol). I have worn a kippah in public from time to time, but I now want to fully take on the mitzvah to cover my head. A kippah is more practical for me that a headwrap or a wig. And I am very comfortable wearing a tallit for prayer.

Now to the question of tefillin. To be honest, tefillin have always intimidated me with the leather straps and seemingly difficult wrapping, then how does the head piece go on? I’ve been doing some research on women wearing tefillin, and read a couple of books. One book was pretty “radical” in that the author’s goal was to democratize laying tefillin for everyone regardless of gender or tradition, because the power of tefillin is so strong and life-changing. Actually, the author posited that wearing tefillin is like a totem for protection and strength — like it has magically properties. This concept is not outrageous to me since I was brought up that good Mormons wear undergarments that also have magical and protective qualities.

While I am not sure I buy into the “magic” of it all, what I see for me as being most powerful is the daily literal binding of the Torah to me arm and head, and daily reaffirming and reinforcing my personal commitment to live the best Jewish life to bring more light in goodness in the world. It is a sacred and ancient practice that also connects me to the Jewish community now and throughout history. Since my Jewish life in Fort McMurray can feel lonely sometimes, this affirming and enriching practice would remind me that I am not alone and that I am part of a huge family from across the world who have been doing this mitzvah for millennia.

There is a historic traditional of women in King David’s court wearing tefillin, and the Talmud teaches that the sages at the time “did not protest it.” Moreover, a medieval Sephardic teacher and scholar in Spain wrote that if the sages back in King David’s time did not oppose, who are we now to object? Of course, there is a lot of debate back and forth over the centuries, and it’s now “settled” in traditional/Orthodox circles that this mitzvah is for men. Yet in Reform and some Conservative communities, it is completely fine for women to lay tefillin, though it’s not an obligation.

So - I did it. I purchased tefillin and a fancy new tallit. I am going to get over my fear, feelings of intimidation, and my ingrained sense that being a woman, I am not as worthy as a man to participate in certain religious practices (from decades of religious abuse in Mormonism), I am going to lay tefillin. I will do my best, yet I am sure it will be a learning curve to properly wrap the tefillin, so I also have to get over my fears of being imperfect. I feel called to take on this mitzvah, so I must listen to my inner sense of Knowing, and be gentle and patient with myself adopting this new mitzvah in my life.