Reflections before my upcoming Beit Din!
#itsallhappening
It’s been too long since I last wrote here. There is so much to catch up on, so instead I will focus on the most amazing news! My beit din is scheduled in 5 days! FIVE DAYS! I am so grateful and oh-so-excited to finally formalize my conversion to Judaism.
This journey started not just in August 2021, but ever since I was a young girl who had a deep connection and love for the Torah that no one in my life could understand; and whose heart was pierced right to my little soul as a small child when visiting the Holocaust museum in Toronto; and who had too many questions that no one was interested in answering, who longed to study the Tanakh, and who did not fit into mould expected of me in the religion of my birth.
This journey continued from my childhood to my teens and then to my 20s, where I learned and mastered Biblical Hebrew and got a specialist undergrad degree in Ancient Israel; and when I first stepped foot on Eretz Israel when I was 20 for an archaeological dig and felt immediately at home and a deep sense of belonging. As I studied with my friends and professors, I finally was where I was supposed to be. Then as undergrad turned into law school, and law school turned into lawyering, marriage and babies, life got in the way of prioritizing my longings of my soul to convert to Judaism.
Since starting the formal conversion process in 2021ish (which I have written about extensively here), I have never doubted my choice to convert, not even for a moment. The only regret that I have is not honouring my Jewish soul earlier in my younger years. But I reframe this thought quickly as how incredibly grateful I am that I get to be Jewish now and how I can live an enriching and meaningful Jewish life and contribute to the Jewish community for the next half of my life (today is my 45th birthday!).
Certainly, these last 2.5+ years have been challenging as I am geographically separated from my Jewish community in Edmonton. Rabbah Gila taught me that one cannot “do Judiasm” alone, that one needs to be in community to practice Judaism. I get that and I so wish that I could be in Edmonton more, but circumstances being what they are, I have had to improvise as cultivated a Jewish home and adapted to the rhythms and cycles of the Jewish calendar. While my family is not converting with me, they are so incredibly supportive of my choices, and want to participate in all aspects of Jewish life, from Shabbat candle-lighting and challah-making, at-home Purim fun, Pesach seders, celebrating Rosh Hashanah, and of course — eating latke and sufganiyiot at Hannukah.
In addition to studying and reading on my own, I have enjoyed taking numerous courses online, from Intro to Judaism via the Reform movement, intro to reading prayers in Hebrew, even another Intro to Judaism class!, Jewish meditation, Jewish spirituality, and I am excited to start an 8 month online ulpan this Thursday evening! I still long for a havruta partner, but I have not been successful yet in finding one, especially online because I am not fully Jewish yet. In addition to online and virtual Kabbalat Shabbat, Shacharit from temples in Calgary, Edmonton, Vancouver, Toronto and New York, I am also so grateful for online communities and Jewish podcasts (shout out to Unorthodox and Tablet Magazine!) that have so enriched my life and helped me feel included and part of a community.
Most of all, I am so grateful to Rabbah Gila for accepting me as a student, teaching me, challenging me, having patience with me, and guiding me on this incredibly journey to Judaism.
I have so much more to write and reflect on, but for today, I will end it here. I am ready for the beit din and mikveh, and l look forward to formalizing my acceptance and belonging in the Jewish community. To my inner my Jewish Soul was at Sinai, and has yearned for so long to reconnect — we are almost home! 5 more days!