Preparing for the Beit Din - Part 1

My answers to suggested questions that may be asked during my Beit Din

On my long drive to Edmonton today, I listened again to Anita Diamant’s audiobook “Choosing a Jewish Life”. One day I will have to post about how much I love Anita Diamant — like, oh my heck — The Red Tent was LIFE CHANGING for me! But that’s another post for another day.

While listening to the chapter called “Final Exam: the Beit Din”, there were some sample questions of what may be asked by the beit din, so I thought I would do my best to answer these to help me prepare for my own beit din in 4 days or so.

Why are you converting to Judaism at this point in your life?

Wow…this is a big one. I could give about a 20 mins spiel on how I got to this moment, but I know I should be more focused and succinct. The short answer is that I should have converted decades ago, so I have some regrets that I don’t want to dwell on, but the truth is I am in the right place and time of my life to sincerely make this commitment. I am older, confident in who I am (and who I am not), prepared in every way to take on the mantle of Judaism and a Jewish life. Moreover, for practically my whole life, I have known that my neshemah (true self, my soul) is Jewish and I want to finally and completely embrace and honour that lost Jewish soul who so deeply longs to return home. In August 2021, when my religious and spiritual ephiphany to finally commit and convert to Judaism blossomed once again, I knew that now is the right time. That was 2.5+ years ago, and since then, with the support of my family and my friends, I have done my utmost to live a Jewish life, cultivate a Jewish home, be part of a Jewish community (in person and online). Ok, I will stop here or else I could go on and on.

If I came to your house, what would show me that it’s a Jewish home?

We have a lot of Jewish art and ritual objects displayed in our home, from meaningful and symbolic paintings I purchased in Sefed last year, to colourful Hebrew word art, blessings for the home, shabbat candles on display, a tzedakah box, a menorah, more books on Judaism and Jewish study than most book stores, and so many pomegranates! We have large mezuzot on our front and back doors, and on door mantles throughout the house. Most importantly, our home is place of love, joy, peace, fun and hospitality. While I am the only person in our family converting at this time, my husband of 20 years and my two children, aged 13 & 15, respect and love to participate in all things Jewish. We light the shabbat candles, make challah, celebrate every Jewish holiday to the nth degree as a family.

What aspects of Judaism are already a part of your life?

Judaism has always come natural and resonated so deeply with me. My number one character strength is curiosity; ever since I was a little kid, I was intellectually and religiously curious. While my parents embraced my personality and all the questions I had, the religious tradition of my youth strongly forbade asking questions about scripture and the history of the religion, and mistook any questions as apostasy. I love that Judaism embraces curiosity and indeed demands one to question, study and debate!

Jewish values are also integrated into my life and way of being. The pursuit of justice and tikkun olam have always been my central to my work and career. Again, I could go on and on, but I will cut my answer here for now. I will just say that I embody “hiddur mitzvah” lol and leave it there for another post.

Describe the seder you went to last passover?

It was amazing! It was at my house with my family :) It was our 2nd time hosting our own passover seder at home. We had the kids’ friends join us, and we had a wonderful time going through the Haggadah, enjoying a mix of solemn tradition and family fun. In University, I had the deep honour of attending a pesach seder at the home of my favourite professor; it was all in Hebrew and very traditional (which was great for me because I was pretty fluent in Hebrew back then) and I really enjoyed the solemnity of the occasion. Our seder at home last year was a bit more reflective of the dynamics of our family, but it certainly had meaning.

I really look forward to this year’s upcoming passover, and the deep and complex emotions and discussions that will inevitably arise that we are now in this time of war, when hostages are held captive, and there is so much grief and suffering.

What does your family think about your decision to become a Jew?

My family is incredibly supportive. My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years, and we have “grown up” together. We were both part of another religious tradition since our childhood that we both left in our 30s. While my husband now considers himself an atheist, he remains incredibly supportive of my decision to convert and create a Jewish home and life for our family. When I first told him about converting, he said he was not surprised at all, and he would happily be the goy to turn on the lights and stove on Shabbat. He is the cook in our home, and another way he supports my Judaism is that he collected many Jewish cookbooks and is always making delicious foods for shabbat and holidays. He likes to collect Jewish cookbooks on our travels too, so we have a lot of Roman Jewish and Italian Jewish cookbooks. He always happily and faithfully puts up the sukkah in the backyard every fall. But most importantly, he supports me living the full expression of my Jewish life without judgment or complaint — just love and support.

We left our former religious community when our children were little and there are literally no Jewish children in schools in Fort McMurray, so Judaism is very new to them. If I allowed myself to dwell in regret, it is a deep regret that I did not raise my children when they were young as Jewish. Having said that, over the last 2.5+ years, they have totally embraced our “Newish Jewish” home life and traditions. My children love to be part of Shabbat brachot and candle-lighting, holiday seders and meals, decorating the sukkah, reading the Megillah at Purim, etc. To them, Judaism isn’t a chore or anything forced on them. Perhaps our wonderful Jewish home life and practice will plant a seed as they grow up and may find themselves seeking a life of more meaning and religious community.

My dad passed away in 2017, but I know he would be so proud of me. My mom is completely supportive of me. Like my husband, my mother was not at all surprised by my decision to convert. She wondered why it took me so long! My mom has also left the religious tradition that we grew up in, so she harbours no sadness or grieving about me “rejecting” the religious of my youth or anything like that. My mom had many Jewish friends growing up, so Judaism and Jewish traditions are not foreign to her and she has a deep respect and love for Judaism.

Similarly, my siblings are equally supportive of me. They too left the religious tradition of our youth decades ago, and while they are not too familiar with Judaism apart from tv shows and movies, they totally respect my conversion and commitment to live a Jewish life.

Which of the mitzvot mean the most to you right now?

At this very moment, I am doing my best to adhere to the dietary laws and keep as kosher as I can leading up to my beit din. I have ALWAYS wanted to work towards dipping my toes into the laws of kashrut, but I’ve been intimidated. But when I was told about my upcoming beit din, my first reaction was that I must observe the dietary laws to the best of my ability effective immediately, though I can’t explain why. So far, it has not been as difficult as I thought, but I am not perfect in my observance of kashrut - yet.

I am always striving for a more observant shabbat practice, and I will discuss that more below.

Reciting the shema, studying Torah and liturgical prayer remain central mitzvot in my current practice.

How do you feel about anti-semitism, and subjecting your children to its dangers?

The rise of anti-semitism in the zeitgeist now is nothing new, though it may just be shouted by the uninformed on social media not hidden under shallow layers of social convention as it was for many years. I recall attending the Holocaust museum in Toronto as a young child (around 8 years old?) and being incredibly impacted by the experience. I’ve previously referred to it as pain piercing my soul, and igniting within my heart a sense of both grief and resolution for social justice and ethical conduct, that has driven my religious and work life. In university, I traveled with the March of Remembrance and Hope to the death camps in Poland with a survivor of Auschwitz, Nate Leipciger, as saw first-hand the impacts of anti-semitism and reaffirmed my commitment to Never Again.

I have always encouraged my children to learn about the Holocaust, and indeed the impacts of hatred and systemic racism in all forms, especially within the context of the Indigenous peoples’ experience in Canada (residential schools, reserves, paternalistic governments, etc.).

Since October 7, 2023, I am shocked (but not at all shocked?) by how comfortable so many people are at being openly anti-semitic and “experts” on the history of conflict in the middle east. Previous to October 7th, I would never have the courage to speak very openly and confidently about Israel & Palestinian conflict because it is so complex and nuanced, and I am not from there and I don’t live there, and I’m not even officially “Jewish”. But that day, witnessing the evil atrocities happen in real time and on camera, shifted something in my soul that I knew as a soon-to-be Jew that I had an duty and obligation to do my part to stand in solidarity with the Jewish community around the world.

I proudly wear my magen David jewelry and other symbols that are connected to Judaism. And while I don’t pretend to be an expert, I welcome dialogue and even dissent so long as it’s respectful; and I don’t engage with trolls on social media. All I know is that if history has taught us anything, Am Israel Chai and we always have.

Tell us about your shabbat observance goals?

Shabbat is very important to me. The first time I attended Kabbalat Shabbat services, I knew I was home. It’s weird to say it, but I already knew the prayers and the song melodies as though they were embedded into my soul’s memory. It was a very powerful and meaningful experience, and continues to be so.

As I am far away from a synagogue, it’s really my responsibility to connect with Temple services online if I cannot make it in person. It is my goal to do this with more frequency. I am pretty religious - pun intended - about lighting Shabbat candles and other brachot to welcome Shabbat. I strive to have a more fulsome Shabbat disconnection, though sometimes parental responsibilities require me to not be as observant as I wish to be. I was deeply moved when I read Abraham Joshua Heschel’s Shabbat, and I often think about Sacred Time and crossing thresholds into differentiating between the common concerns of the week and entering into a time and space that is truly a sanctuary of rest an spiritual rejuvenation.

Like most things in my life, I can read and think about it at a lot, but I know it’s really a matter of feeling, doing and practicing.