My current reflections on becoming Jewish-by-Choice: Answering the two questions most often asked - HOW & WHY?!
I like to listen to the podcast “Unorthodox” by Tablet Magazine, especially the annual “conversion” episodes, as it gives me so much hope in one day being able to complete my own journey to become Jewish. Hearing individuals share their very personal experiences of converting is very moving and affirmative.
For my URJ course “Intro to Judaism”, one of the readings for an upcoming class is an article entitled “Becoming a Jew - The Long Journey Home” by Vickie Carroll. She is a grandmother that left Catholism behind as an adult, eventually settling for “spiritual but not religious”, but even that didn’t feel right to her. I am very familiar with this feeling; I always felt very religious, craving rituals, rhythms, chanting, routines that are sacred, and connected to history and communities. But I digress.
Ms. Carroll describes how Reform Judaism essentially “found her” while she was reading about various religions and denominations, she read a book that kindled her Jewish soul and knew she would become a “Jew-by-choice.” She articulates two questions I often think about on my own journey to Judaism, and that I am often asked by curious family and friends:
How does one become a Jew?
Why do I want to be a Jew?
While I am still learning, I want to document my current responses to these two key questions, early in my conversion process.
How does one become a Jew?
As I’ve previously written, I was under the misapprehension that if I wasn’t “born” Jewish, then I could not “be” Jewish. While this surely is a belief held by some in the Orthodox community and the Israeli Rabbinate, this sentiment is simply not the truth. Carroll’s article reminds me that not only Ruth was a convert, but so was Abraham and Sarah - they too effectively “converted” to follow G-d. Indeed, there have always been Jews-by-choice, even from ancient times.
To convert to Judaism, one my find a Rabbi to guide the process, read, study and also become part of the Jewish community. The latter part is hard for me since the closest temple is 5 hrs away, and we’re still in the middle of a global pandemic. Yet, modern technology has made it possible to connect with my Jewish community through Zoom synagogue services, Torah Study, learning, lectures, and participating in seders.
Jews are definitely known as “People of the book”, but Judaism cannot be solely experienced by reading a book. Judaism is a community experience. As Carroll explains in the article “…to be Jewish, you have to do Jewish. You have to be involved in Jewish life, community, and make a place for yourself. You can’t read your way into becoming Jewish.”
Conversion is not a short or simple process. In my former faith tradition, one could convert within a matter of days through a baptism. While a quick conversion may seem appealing, taking time to learn, practice, study and live Judaism before making the commitment to G-d demonstrates an elevated and more serious commitment to be Chosen.
As Judaism doesn’t proselytize and generally isn’t seeking out new members, one has actively work hard to be accepted into the Tribe, and the process usually takes at least two years. And when your Rabbi believes it’s time, you go before a Beit Din (a panel of three Rabbis) who test your knowledge and commitment, and will make the final decision whether to accept you into the Jewish community. After the Beit Din, the final step is the mikveh! Fun side note: when I was in university, I was obsessed with mikvot and always sought them out when visiting the sites in Israel, but I will write about the mikveh another day.
One interesting thought is that it is apparently very uncouth and very “un-Jewish” to identify folks as “converts”. Once one converts to Judaism, they are considered Jewish full-stop; not Jewish with an explanation. Sure, I am a bit worried about being “accepted” into the Jewish community, but as mentioned above — being a Jew is less about “being” and more about “doing”.
Why do I want to be a Jew?
This is the question that is difficult to articulate in words; it is so intensely personal and it’s hard to use language to express such deep emotion (like a niggun). Since as far as I can remember, even in my young childhood, I felt connected to all things Jewish. I distinctly recall visiting a Holocaust museum in Toronto when I was about 10 years old, and my young self immediately recognized my soul connection to the Jewish community. I never lived in places where there was any large community of Jews, so I had no understanding or language to articulate at that time what my heart was sensing and knowing. Even now at 42 years old, I still remember that powerful emotional connection that sparked within me in the museum that day. My Jewish soul wanted to find its way home.
From passionately reading the Bible with scholarly zeal even as a child, to learning Biblical Hebrew with relative ease, my heart and memory recognizes blessings, prayers, customs, rituals, chants, music, language, and philosophy of Judaism. It feels natural to me, almost like I am coming home to my true Self and my true Soul. Nearly every conversion story I read or hear also shares similar experiences. Carroll writes, “It’s as if I know these songs and these words, thought I only understand about half of them with my ears. My Jewish soul completely understands them, and that is enough for now.”
Carroll’s article also poses an additional question for contemplation — what am I leaving behind to become a Jew-by-choice?
I am leaving behind the Christian story. To be honest — and it somewhat pains me to admit it — this is quite easy for me. I always had trouble reconciling that Jesus was the Messiah, because Christianity has been the source of so much violence, brutality, genocide, hatred, war, misogyny, colonialism, racism, etc. in the world historically, and even now. Any religion that claims to be the “only truth” and will exact such violence and vitriol on those who have different beliefs is very problematic to me.
I recognize the teachings of Jesus (who was Jewish!) are wonderful radical and inspiring, but Christian religions have rarely abided by Jesus’ teachings. In my own life time, I’ve seen Christianity hijacked and radicalized by conservatism. While the teachings of Jesus are radically non-conformist and based on love and equality for all, modern Christianity has become, in my humble view, the opposite of true teachings of Jesus. After leaving Mormonism, I tried out other Christian denominations, but they were just as sexist, anti-intellectual, racist, and generally problematic as the Mormons. So I am very okay with leaving behind Christianity, and choosing Reform Judaism.
I am leaving behind the comfort and safety of “fitting in” the dominant society. As a Jew-by-choice, I commit to live a Jewish life that is distinct from the “norm”; from praying and chanting in Hebrew, respecting Shabbat, fasting on Yom Kippur, abiding by the mitzvot, reading Torah, practicing tikkun olam, and creating a Jewish home. My commitment to G-d and the Jewish community also makes me susceptible to anti-semitism and prejudice in a personal way that I have not experienced before.
I am now part of a belief system and a People that have been historically persecuted, demonized, exiled, and even executed in systemic mass racial, cultural and religious genocide. I don’t mean to appropriate the millennia of suffering that Jews have experienced, but that I will now be part of the Jewish community and will take on the mantle of responsibility of being Jewish in this world. Even if that means personal risk to me.
I am leaving behind the idea of after-life. Jews do not really have a concept about the after-life. Judaism focuses on celebrating and maximizing our contributions to this life through social justice, charity, loving-kindness, respect for the environment, and leaving the world a better place overall. I never really bought into the idea of heaven and hell (and the Torah is silent on these concepts), and especially not into the complex levels of “celestial glory” that Mormonism propagated. Sitting around and day-dreaming about the life to come after death has never been for me — I would much rather work hard in the present life to improve to the lives of others and be my best self without the thought of “reward” in the hereafter.
For tonight, I will leave this here. I just wanted to record my thoughts and my current experience now on these key questions.